Ai Ai delas Alas, Bilibid inmate get Best New Artist nods at 57th Grammys


AWAAAAARD – Ai Ai delas Alas, and a Bilibid inmate gets nominated for the 57th Grammy Awards.

In a last minute decision, two Filipino recording artists were catapulted into the 2015 Grammy nominations for Best New Artist.

The nomination came after the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences (NARAS) decided to remove White Chicks star Iggy Azalea from the list of nominees in an effort to be more politically correct.

“In order to conserve and protect African-American culture, we have unanimously decided to revoke Iggy Azalea’s Best New Artist nomination,” the statement said.

In place of Azalea, NARAS nominated EDM Diva Ai Ai delas Alas “in recognition of her marvelous innovation of electronic dance music in the Philippine scene.”

In addition to delas Alas, the NARAS also nominated yet another Filipino recording artist, Herbert C., to acknowledge “the barriers and chains he broke at the New Bilibid Prison in order to create quality music.” The NARAS also added that they “are so touched” by Herbert’s dedication to his craft.

“Na-shock talaga ako nung nalaman ko na Grammy nominee na pala ako,” delas Alas said. “Pero mas nakakashock pa din nung nalaman ko na EDM Diva na pala ako,” she added.

Herbert C. is unable to give a comment as of press time after being transferred to an undisclosed location by the New Bilibid Records. Fans speculate that he is working on his follow-up to his platinum album Kinabukasan under Ivory Records.

“Kung nasaan ka man ngayon, tandaan mo lang na laging, nandito, nandito, nandito. Nandito lang ako,” delas Alas said after being asked for a message for her fellow Filipino Grammy nominee.

Herbert C., which is a very creative shortcut for Herbert Colangco, is one of the convicts who managed to pull off an extreme makeover at the New Bilibid Prison in an effort to add value to the property. Colangco has also shot a music video for his single Pa’no Yon in the revamped facilities.


SLAY – New Bilibid Prison inmates get their fab going and revamped parts of the facility to become MTV Cribs worthy.

Department of Justice Secretary Leila de Lima pulled a Beyonce Monday morning and surprised the people over at the New Bilibid Resorts and Casinos by paying them a visit. De Lima said that she is “absolutely disgusted at how high the value of this property was went up.”

Nora Aunor snubbed from receiving Nat’l Artist Award; PNoy finds fault in the star

norapnoyfaultIN a recent admission of our Great Leader, President Benigno Aquino said that he did not choose Nora Aunor for National Artist because of her much publicized drug problem.

“It’s a metaphor you see,” he said, trying to explain the incident. “”Na-convict po siya sa drugs… na-convict at naparusahan at ang tanong ngayon dito, kapag ginawa ba [siyang] National Artist may mensahe ba akong maliwanag na sinasabi sa sambayanan?”

It can be recalled that Nora Aunor was arrested in Los Angeles back in 2005 for allegedly possessing methamphetamine, popularly known as shabu. Charges were dropped in 2007 after she complied to be taken to a rehabilitation center.

Aunor has also spoken out on the issue, stating that her “thoughts are stars [she] cannot fathom into constellations.”

“Inaamin ko pong nasaktan ako sa nangyari,” she said in the statement. “But you don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world… but you do have some say in who hurts you,” she added.

She also stated that the overwhelming support that she has received from fans, clergy, and fellow artists was enough. “Iniluklok naman ako ng mga kababayan ko, habang buhay sa kanilang mga puso, bilang isang artista ng bayan.

In response to this, an online petition was launched by the Nora Aunor for National Artist Movement to proclaim the actress as the Filipino people’s National Artist. The petition is based on the principles of a democratic and Republican State stated in Article 2, Section 1 of the Almighty 1987 Philippine Constitution.

Meanwhile, fellow artists organized a forum at the Ateneo de Manila University to diss the Great Leader and to discuss the issue.

“Mas okay pa siya sa always,” said Prof. D.M. Reyes, Associate Chairman of the ADMU Department of English. “Siguro ay hirap lang talaga si PNoy sa pagintindi sa sining…tinangka siyang tulungan ng NCCA at CCP. Nagdulog ng mga diskurso at mga saliksik. Nakakalungkot na winalang-halaga ito ni PNoy,” he added.

Obama visits PH; Enters PBB House

Obama visits PH; Enters PBB House

US President Barack Obama came to the Philippines for his first state visit on April 28, 2014, but he was surprised when his originally 2-day stay in the country turned out to be a 100-day stay in the Pinoy Big Brother House.

Obama arrived via the Air Force One on Monday and was initially greeted by Vice President Jejomar Binay, Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert del Rosario, Defense Secretary Voltaire Gazmin, Interior Secretary Mar Roxas, US Ambassador to the Philippines Philip Goldberg, and all the other people who were too irrelevant to be mentioned.

Afterwards, he boarded the Navy One helicopter to the Malacañang Palace, effectively avoiding the parking lot that is Metro Manila.

Upon arriving at the Malacañang, he was welcomed by President Benigno Aquino, and both of them proceeded with the usual rights at a state visit, which includes the playing of the national anthems, review of the honor guards, and rendering of full military honors, including a 21-gun salute for the head of state.

Obama then signed the Official Guestbook at the Ceremonial Hall.

However, he had no idea that it wasn’t only the Guestbook that he signed. He also unwittingly signed a contract with ABS-CBN, allowing them to turn him into one of Kuya’s housemates.

After President Aquino conferred him the highest diplomatic honor, and after the state banquet, members of the cabinet aptly sang Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On as Obama is taken by Pinoy Big Brother’s production staff out of Malacañang and into the PBB House.

Militant leaders have expressed dismay over Obama’s prolonged stay in the Philippines, and has been trying to get him evicted, both from the PBB House and the country, by trending #PBBALLINObamaOut.

The Philippine’s Defense Secretary said that everything that they have spent for Obama’s trip and eventual entry into Kuya’s House will be worth it.

“It will help him do his work better if he is here in the country and in Philippine’s leading reality TV show which puts the spotlight on common Filipinos like that guy who happens to be a model, and that girl who’s a volleyball player,” says Gazmin in an exclusive interview with The PT.

“This is part of fulfilling his iron-clad commitment to defend the Philippines,” he added.

Obama’s state visit was timed to coincide with the signing of the Enhanced Defense Cooperation Agreement which allows access to American soldiers to military bases here in the country. Other than that, no one knows shit about it.

One of the military bases specified in the agreement is located in front of the ABS-CBN studios in Quezon City.

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Kris Aquino gets canonized along with Popes John Paul II, John XXIII


We had 2 Girls, 1 Cup, get ready for 2 Popes, 1 Queen.

History was made, yet again, by the Philippine’s Queen of All Media Kris Aquino as she becomes the third Filipino saint, and the first saint who was canonized while still living.

The New Living Saint, which is what people call her to differentiate her from Mother Teresa, was canonized alongside Pope John Paul II, and Pope John XXIII at St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican last April 27, 2014.

Aside from being the first living saint, she is also the first saint who is a product endorser, the first saint who did not go through the beatification process, and the first diva saint.

Aquino’s canonization drew criticism from Catholic hardliners as they say that Aquino did not meet the minimum requirements for sainthood.

This was, however, disproved by the Vatican as they say that Saint Kris Aquino is holy enough and has met the minimum of three miracles to become saint.

The three miracles, according to the Vatican, were as follows:

  1. Her sacred heart break with Herbert Bautista
  2. Her haircut, and finally
  3. Her Maggi Magic Sarap endorsements

Critics have expressed that Aquino’s reportedly third miracle is invalid but the Holy See Press Office said otherwise.

“Saint Kris Aquino’s endorsement of Maggi Magic Sarap is truly remarkable,” their press statement said. “It is miraculous because it is magical and gives life to otherwise bland dinners.”

Pope John Paul II, Pope John XXIII, and Kris Aquino have been officially added to the Litany of the Saints.

With that note,
Pope John Paul II, Pray for us.
Pope John XXIII, Pray for us.
Kris Aquino, Pray for us. Slay mama.

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Mommy D gets possessed in Pacquiao-Bradley fight; Casts spells

Mommy D gets possessed in Pacquiao-Bradley fight; Casts spells

This is some Illuminati shit.

Dionisia Pacquiao was seen chanting spells and getting possessed by an unknown entity at his son’s match versus Timothy Bradley, Jr. at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Saturday (Sunday with a 30-minute delay, Philippine Standard Time)

The Philippines’ favorite stage mom (and soon to be replacing Nancy Binay as Nanay ng Senado) was caught on camera while she was seemingly taken to a new dimension by a supernatural force and was cursing Bradley all at the same time.

The Vatican has expressed alarm over the capability of this supernatural entity to multitask.


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A Eulogy for the Internet

A Eulogy for the Internet

Today, February 25, 2014, Tuesday, at the exact time that this blog was posted, the internet has died.

Along with the death of the internet, I am sorry to inform all of you that this blog has died with it.

In fact, I am extremely sorry to inform all of you that it is not only my blog that had died, but also my personal Tumblr, my Twitter account, and my Facebook account.

I am, again, extremely sorry to inform all of you that it is not only my accounts that had died, but many other accounts as well.

You, my dear readers, are at the brink of death. This is a dark plague that is consuming, not only the internet, but most importantly, the fuel that keeps it thriving – free speech.

On February 11, the Supreme Court ruled that the cyberlibel provision of the Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012 is constitutional, effectively silencing our clicks and our keyboard tapping.

We once had an even playing field – one where we can openly criticize our officials whenever they commit graft, or plagiarize.

We once wielded a power which brought together citizens to act against social injustices.

We once were free. The internet was once free. Now, we must silence our criticisms in fear of being jailed for 10-12 years, double the sentence for other forms of libel.

Yes, this may be a deterrent against cyberbullying. But do they really think that an ordinary person would spend time, effort, and money to file a libel suit against a horde of netizens who called him “bobo” because he plagiarized?

Let’s face it. Anti-libel provisions are there for the rich, famous, and powerful. And since we are mere citizens, we cannot do anything about it but die.

So, today, we die for freedom. We die for our right to freely speak – especially if we speak truths.

Today marks the 28th anniversary of the People Power Revolution wherein the Epifanio de los Santos Avenue turned yellow as the Filipino people revolted against a dictator.

Today, we celebrate democracy by fighting its suppression. Today, our EDSA is on social media. Today we don’t turn yellow – we turn black. Today is the day we die in protest of the oppressing bill.

Join us and fight for your rights this #BlackTuesday.

Entirety of Metro Manila to be turned into parking lot

Entirety of Metro Manila to be turned into parking lot

THE GOVERNMENT has finally found a way to completely eradicate traffic jams in Metro Manila – by turning the entirety of the Metro into an enormous parking lot.

With a lot of free space and excess funding, the government will start construction (or the deconstruction, rather) of the metropolitan area and start converting it into a parking lot full of stalled cars starting February 17.

This is the mother project of all the other infrastructure projects which would, in turn, contribute to the conversion of the metropolis into a car park.

The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA), which will soon be called as Metropolitan Manila Parking Lot Authority (MMPLA), has enumerated for us these projects:

  • Skyway Stage 3
  • NAIA Expressway Phase 2
  • Gil Puyat-Makati-Avenue-Paseo de Roxas underpass
  • Sta. Monica-Lawton Avenue bridge
  • CP Garcia Avenue-McKinley Hill ramp
  • Repair and asphalt overlay of Magallanes Interchange
  • EDSA-Taft Avenue flyover
  • MRT Line 3/ LRT Line 1 extension common station
  • LRT Line 2 East extension up to Masinag
  • LRT Line 1 Extension (Cavite)
  • EDSA-Roosevelt Ave. interchange
  • España Avenue-Lacson Avenue interchange
  • Repair/rehabilitation and improvement of South Superhighway Makati
  • NLEX-SLEX connector road above the PNR alignment
  • EDSA-West Avenue-North Avenue interchange

Faced with the possible scenario that students would probably be bombarded with lines upon lines of cars which would lead to their whining because they would have to walk to school, MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino has recommended to Department of Education (DepEd) Secretary Armin Luistro to mull a 4-day school week.

“This scheme would ease congestion,” Luistro says in an exclusive interview with The PT. “The mental congestion of the students that is. This would also lessen education,” he added, “It would lessen education and energy costs.”

Until Luistro’s proposal has been approved, students would have to join other commuters in jumping from car hood to car hood to get to their destination on time.

Read more here and here.

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