Mommy D gets possessed in Pacquiao-Bradley fight; Casts spells

Mommy D gets possessed in Pacquiao-Bradley fight; Casts spells

This is some Illuminati shit.

Dionisia Pacquiao was seen chanting spells and getting possessed by an unknown entity at his son’s match versus Timothy Bradley, Jr. at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Saturday (Sunday with a 30-minute delay, Philippine Standard Time)

The Philippines’ favorite stage mom (and soon to be replacing Nancy Binay as Nanay ng Senado) was caught on camera while she was seemingly taken to a new dimension by a supernatural force and was cursing Bradley all at the same time.

The Vatican has expressed alarm over the capability of this supernatural entity to multitask.

SEE MOMMY D AS SHE PULLS OFF HER BEST LINDA BLAIR IMPRESSION AFTER THE JUMP

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A Eulogy for the Internet

A Eulogy for the Internet

Today, February 25, 2014, Tuesday, at the exact time that this blog was posted, the internet has died.

Along with the death of the internet, I am sorry to inform all of you that this blog has died with it.

In fact, I am extremely sorry to inform all of you that it is not only my blog that had died, but also my personal Tumblr, my Twitter account, and my Facebook account.

I am, again, extremely sorry to inform all of you that it is not only my accounts that had died, but many other accounts as well.

You, my dear readers, are at the brink of death. This is a dark plague that is consuming, not only the internet, but most importantly, the fuel that keeps it thriving – free speech.

On February 11, the Supreme Court ruled that the cyberlibel provision of the Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012 is constitutional, effectively silencing our clicks and our keyboard tapping.

We once had an even playing field – one where we can openly criticize our officials whenever they commit graft, or plagiarize.

We once wielded a power which brought together citizens to act against social injustices.

We once were free. The internet was once free. Now, we must silence our criticisms in fear of being jailed for 10-12 years, double the sentence for other forms of libel.

Yes, this may be a deterrent against cyberbullying. But do they really think that an ordinary person would spend time, effort, and money to file a libel suit against a horde of netizens who called him “bobo” because he plagiarized?

Let’s face it. Anti-libel provisions are there for the rich, famous, and powerful. And since we are mere citizens, we cannot do anything about it but die.

So, today, we die for freedom. We die for our right to freely speak – especially if we speak truths.

Today marks the 28th anniversary of the People Power Revolution wherein the Epifanio de los Santos Avenue turned yellow as the Filipino people revolted against a dictator.

Today, we celebrate democracy by fighting its suppression. Today, our EDSA is on social media. Today we don’t turn yellow – we turn black. Today is the day we die in protest of the oppressing bill.

Join us and fight for your rights this #BlackTuesday.

Entirety of Metro Manila to be turned into parking lot

Entirety of Metro Manila to be turned into parking lot

THE GOVERNMENT has finally found a way to completely eradicate traffic jams in Metro Manila – by turning the entirety of the Metro into an enormous parking lot.

With a lot of free space and excess funding, the government will start construction (or the deconstruction, rather) of the metropolitan area and start converting it into a parking lot full of stalled cars starting February 17.

This is the mother project of all the other infrastructure projects which would, in turn, contribute to the conversion of the metropolis into a car park.

The Metropolitan Manila Development Authority (MMDA), which will soon be called as Metropolitan Manila Parking Lot Authority (MMPLA), has enumerated for us these projects:

  • Skyway Stage 3
  • NAIA Expressway Phase 2
  • Gil Puyat-Makati-Avenue-Paseo de Roxas underpass
  • Sta. Monica-Lawton Avenue bridge
  • CP Garcia Avenue-McKinley Hill ramp
  • Repair and asphalt overlay of Magallanes Interchange
  • EDSA-Taft Avenue flyover
  • MRT Line 3/ LRT Line 1 extension common station
  • LRT Line 2 East extension up to Masinag
  • LRT Line 1 Extension (Cavite)
  • EDSA-Roosevelt Ave. interchange
  • España Avenue-Lacson Avenue interchange
  • Repair/rehabilitation and improvement of South Superhighway Makati
  • NLEX-SLEX connector road above the PNR alignment
  • EDSA-West Avenue-North Avenue interchange

Faced with the possible scenario that students would probably be bombarded with lines upon lines of cars which would lead to their whining because they would have to walk to school, MMDA Chairman Francis Tolentino has recommended to Department of Education (DepEd) Secretary Armin Luistro to mull a 4-day school week.

“This scheme would ease congestion,” Luistro says in an exclusive interview with The PT. “The mental congestion of the students that is. This would also lessen education,” he added, “It would lessen education and energy costs.”

Until Luistro’s proposal has been approved, students would have to join other commuters in jumping from car hood to car hood to get to their destination on time.

Read more here and here.

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Image credits:
unrestrictedstock.com
wikipedia.org

Bakit Ko Kailangang Pumatay ng Tao Bago Makasakay ng UV Express sa Baclaran: Isang Pagninilay-nilay

Bakit Ko Kailangang Pumatay ng Tao Bago Makasakay ng UV Express sa Baclaran: Isang Pagninilay-nilay

AKO ay isang estudyante na nag-aaral sa Maynila ngunit nakatira sa isang siyudad na clean and green (and not to mention, orange). Kung hindi kayo updated sa mga slogan ng mga siyudad at ang mga political colors na kumokontrol dito, ako po ay nakatira sa Las Piñas.

Bilang hindi naman ako nagdodorm dahil

  1. mahal magdorm
  2. mahal ako ng nanay ko
  3. mahal ko ang luto ng nanay ko
  4. mahal ko ang internet,

kailangan kong mag-commute araw-araw para lamang makapasok sa minamahal kong Unibersidad.

Nakakaloka, sa totoo lang. Mula sa amin ay tatlong beses akong lilipat ng sasakyan para lamang makarating sa eskwelahan – jeep, UV Express, at jeep ulit.

Ako muna ay maglalakad ng mga tatlong minuto para makarating sa kalsada. Pagdating sa kalsada, ako ay mag-aabang ng jeep na papuntang Baclaran. May dalawang uri ng jeep na papuntang Baclaran – ang Baclaran Tambo, at Baclaran Coastal. Ang kailangan kong sakyan ay Baclaran Coastal ngunit, dahil unfair ang mundo, mas madaming Baclaran Tambo na jeep kaysa sa jeep na Baclaran Coastal. Malas ko pa kapag ako’y may PE na 7:00 AM, natataon ako sa morning rush at kinakailangan ko pang sumabit mula sa amin hanggang Kabihasnan (UST hanggang SM Manila yun, friends).

Kung ako ay makasakay ng jeep na Baclaran Coastal, ako ay bababa malapit sa branch ng Lydia’s Lechon sa Baclaran na mas kilala yata bilang terminal kaysa sa isang restaurant.

Dito ako sumasakay ng UV Express na papuntang Lawton. Sa limang araw na ako’y pumapasok, siguro tatlo o apat na araw dito ang mga araw na nahihirapan akong sumakay. Ito yung mga araw na pakiramdam ko ako si Katniss Everdeen na may bonggang braid na kailangang pumatay ng tao para makasurvive with matching pana effects.

Nakakairita, sa totoo lang. Lalo na kung nauna ka sa paghabol sa UV sabay ikaw pa yung mawawalan sa huli. Masakit. Lalo na yung mga sumasakay ng UV na papuntang Lawton eh sa Libertad lang naman pala bababa. Sana nilakad mo na lang teh. Nakakairita din yung mga gusto sa tapat ng simbahan ng Baclaran sila ibababa kahit alam na bawal doon at kinakain nila yung space na dapat sana para sa isang estudyante na 30 minutes na lang late na sa klase niya.

Hindi ba nila naiintindihan na kami ang pag-asa ng bayan? Na kapag na-late kami dahil sa katamaran nilang maglakad eh pwede kaming bumagsak? Na kapag bumagsak kami hindi kami makakakuha ng matinong trabaho? Na kapag hindi kami nakakuha ng matinong trabaho magugutom kami? Na kapag nagutom kami it’s either mababaliw o mamatay kami? Paano na ang Pilipinas? Magiging bayan ng mga gutom? Ng mga baliw at patay? (wait current situation ba ng Pilipinas ang dinescribe ko?)

Kaya nga kapag kailangan ko na talagang makasakay, tinataboy ko lahat ng mga hindi estudyante, babae, at matanda. Pare-pareho tayong may pupuntahan, pero kaunting consideration naman sa akin na puting-puti ang uniform na amoy Downy pa. Kasi kapag nag-tagal ako sa ilalim ng araw dahil sa pagiging mapagbigay ko iitim ako, pagpapawisan ako, at babaho ako – sayang naman ang rubadabango. Isa pa, malelate na ako; baka naman din malelate na din kayo pero sana pagbigyan niyo naman ako kasi mas bata ako at wag niyo akong sisingitan papasok ng van – lalo na kung sa may Libertad lang naman kayo bababa.

Image credits:

 

2014 Horoscope!

2014 Horoscope!

I know, I know. I have completely neglected my blog… yet again. You can’t blame me. Schoolworks are just all in my face and then just when I have time to blog, I got sick with measles. Great. Just great.

So to compensate with my long absence, I have consulted the stars, the moon, the sun, and the planets about your fate this coming 2014.

That is why for my year-ender blog post, I am doing a horoscope based on your Chinese zodiac years, with a sociopolitical twist.

Are you ready? Here we go.

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MAY HIMALA! Pacquiao beats Rios!

MAY HIMALA! Pacquiao beats Rios!

“He’s back! The fighting pride of the Philippines, Manny ‘Pacman’ Pacquiao!”

In a quite unsurprising unanimous decision, Manny Pacquiao defeated Brandon Rios at the Cotai Arena in Macau; finally quenching a 2-year drought in his boxing career.

The bout for the WBO International Welterweight title ended with Pacquiao looking as fresh as a Belo beauty, and with a very battered Rios.

The official scorecards are 120-108, 119-109, 118-110, wherein Rios was given the eight round by two judges.

According to @ESPNStatsInfo, Pacquiao managed to deliver 281 punches, 241 of which landed to the head. Also, his long-time coach, Freddie Roach, called it a “perfect fight” although I think that the feud between him and the opposing team was much more entertaining.

Pacquiao says that he dedicates this victory to the victims of Super Typhoon Yolanda.

Meanwhile, Jinkee Pacquiao was in the audience looking very pink and pregnant. We have received reports that she immediately ordered an Hermes bag after her husband won.

But the real winner of this event is none other than Pacquiao’s ever pious mother, Mommy Dionisia, whose lipstick should be given the WBO Welterweight title, and would definitely win Best in National Costume.

Bam!

Bam.

Photo edited by The Plum Times, original photos from Michael Josh Villanueva/Rappler
Further reading: Pacquiao beats Rios via unanimous decision

Pork and Beans!

Pork and Beans!

Hello my little plumsters! So, today I checked on some news sites and I found that there are way too many things I would want to write about, so instead of writing about them one by one, I decided to simply summarize them into a news roundup (ala Professional Heckler). Anywho, here we go!

All pork, no beans
The Senators practically wasted six hours worth of taxes after not getting a single answer from pork barrel queen Janet Lim-Napoles, as she repeatedly invoked her right against self-incrimination last Thursday in a senate hearing about the 10-billion peso pork barrel scam.

When asked with questions, Napoles simply replied either of the three:

a.) Hindi ko po alam.
b.) Hindi po totoo yan.
c.) I invoke my right against self-incrimination.

The Department of Education is planning to include these choices in the next National Achievement Test.

Napoles even said that she is pitying the senators who are being dragged into the case with her but did not pity herself in the event when these senators will pay her police escorts to shoot her while in a convoy and then tell the press that she managed to grab their gun and shoot herself even if she is in handcuffs. (Why of course! She must have been Houdini’s intern!)

Not so surprisingly, however, Napoles managed to dodge the questions fired at her by none other than the lady senator who is ten times fiercer than Beyonce, Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Why, Napoles even had the gall to laugh at times when she was questioned by the Santiago, who can certainly be called the second greatest lord of Philippine politics, next to Juan Ponce Enrile.

If you were too lazy to read, the senators got pork from Napoles, but no beans were spilled.

Speaking of pork and beans…

Yolanda ravages PH
Super Typhoon Yolanda, one of the most powerful storms in recorded history, unleashed its fury over the Visayas on Friday leaving about a hundred dead, several injured, and many needing more than just the politicians’ pork.

According to Gwendolyn Pang, chief of the Philippine Red Cross, said that there are “reports of collapsed buildings, houses flattened to the ground, storm surges and landslides.” Moreover, there is a “completely damaged airport,” destroyed communication lines, still interrupted power supply, and many families who are still in evacuation centers in need of food, water, clothes, you know, basic stuff needed to survive.

The simplest way that you may donate to the Philippine Red Cross by texting RED to 4143 for Smart, and 2899 for Globe.

And just in case you still feel like buying the new iPhone 5s and/or the new iPhone 5c while most parts of the Visayas are completely ravaged by the storm, you might want to think again because…

Apple’s new iPhones are obviously expensive
Despite the iPhone 5c being released in the US at $99 with a postpaid plan, it and its fabulously expensive counterpart, the iPhone 5s, are still very pricy.

Globe and Smart have released their iPhone offers, with Globe offering their iPhone Forever plan which starts at P1,599 a month and will require you to trade in your existing phone. Now, depending on the phone model, you’ll get the iPhone for free, or you will have to pay up to P11,990. Smart, on the other hand, will not require you to trade in your existing phone, but you might want to save up because for their P500 monthly plan, you’ll have to pay P20,000 for the iPhone 5c.

Aside from outrageous pricing, there can only be one more thing which can outdo everything in this blog post…

Lady Gaga to perform in space in 2015
The Do What U Want singer is really taking rocket number nine out of the planet to perform in the ambitious Zero G Colony festival on board the Virgin Galactic spaceship.

Now of course, Mother Monster isn’t an alien whose vocal chords will stand the atmospheric pressure, and that’s why she will have to undergo a month worth of vocal training before she performs live in outer space in 2015.

Further reading:
Senators fail to get Napoles to spill beans on ‘pork’ scam on Inquirer.net
Tacloban devastated; at least 100 dead on Rappler
Globe, Smart reveal iPhone 5S, 5C plans on Rappler
Lady Gaga planning to return to her homeland with 2015 outerspace performance on Time NewsFeed

Photo edited by The Plum Times, original photos are not mine.